The meaningful blanket

Remember that blanket I was working on over winter break? Well I got home for Spring Break, pulled it of the giant bag I was keeping it in, took one look at it and decided it was just plain ugly. I undid the whole thing. Don’t panic, it’s a granny square blanket so I took apart all the sewn connections not all the granny squares. I’m not quite back at square one  (I totally did that on purpose) but prior to taking it all apart I was about 75% done and now I’m nowhere near done.

I don’t know what this means for the way I was  thinking about the meaning behind the blanket. Last time I wrote about it I saw my 40 year old self looking at the blanket as a part of my 20 year old self. So what does it mean that my 20 1/2 year old self really couldn’t stand the work of my 20 1/3 self? I just knew once I saw the work I did a few months ago that it was terrible, not my best work and had to be fixed. While I’m working out all that stuff in my head here’s what the blanket is looking like these days.

Update: As of Friday night (March 18th) the blanket is done!

Lent, a call to action

Every Ash Wednesday, sometime between opting to sleep in instead of going to an early morning service and finishing a hamburger before realizing in horror I’m not supposed to be eating meat, I brush up on my Ash Wednesday knowledge. Sure, I know the basics but something about walking around the city all day with an outward appearance of my faith makes me feel like I have to know the answer to any Catholic/ Ash Wednesday questions that may come my way. Even if I end up going to an evening service someone will inevitably make a comment or ask a question that I feel obligated to jump on in and answer.

If only I was asked questions of substance. Usually it’s “What’s that smudge on your forehead?” As an adult I see this question as some kind of test from God to be kind and willing to share. As a kid I thought this was just the dumbest thing you could ask a Catholic girl in the middle of southern Texas. This question also makes me wonder why all priests and deacons don’t know the perfect ashes to holy water ratio.

Or on the Tuesday before people are really curious about what a Catholic girl does for Mardi Gras. I don’t celebrate Mardi Gras. We don’t fast the entirety of Lent like we used to so being glutinous our of nowhere, on a day that’s not Thanksgiving or Christmas when we’re glutinous for a reason, seems silly. Also I don’t typically make excuses to drink so Mardi Gras is just the Tuesday before Ash Wednesday to me.

It’s also the time of year we answer the question “So what are you giving up this year?” Most aren’t interested in hearing about the spiritual benefits of abstaining from a few pleasures. They want to watch us sweat it out as we work hard on our no TV on weekdays or no desserts commitments. But it is not a decision we come to flippantly. These commitments are not Lenten commitments they are movements towards life long changes. We turn our attention away from chocolate, excessive TV and internet use (or whatever else we decide) towards our Heavenly Father. Ultimately choosing to give up a few pleasures in life helps us refocus our lives.

People are also really curious about our meatless Ash Wednesday and Fridays of Lent. It is actually one Lenten commandment I don’t feel the spirituality in. It does take more planning and preparation to make sure you go meatless on these days but it’s hard for me to feel like I’m truly abstaining from something when I’m chowing down on a crab cake or a delightful piece of salmon. I still abstain from eating meat but I do it more for cultural reasons—I’m a Catholic girl and we don’t eat meat on the Fridays of Lent.

With all those questions I wish I got to say Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the season of Lent, a time of repentance. It is a time to get back to the basics of prayer and reflection. Lent is when we recognize the need for renewed personal spiritual conversion. We actively seek our Heavenly Father and goodness in the world.

Our duty during Lent is to love more. To love our Heavenly Father more, to love our brothers and sisters more, and to love ourselves more, to put more value in life and be more thoughtful in our dealings with the world. It is a season that calls us to action and it’s a tall order.

Glee, sex and talking abstinence

Oh, Glee why do you insist on driving me bananas in the midst of midterms?

Emma Pilsbury

First of all, we all know that Jayma Mays’s Emma Pilsbury has a ton of issues with intimacy, or as she so aptly put it “terrified of the hose monster,” but who decided she should be the arbitor of what’s healthy for kids to know about sex? Like the last time I wrote about Glee I’d like to point out that I have a sense of humor and understand why Emma Pilsbury not being able to say sex, think about sex, or come to grips with her issues is hilarious but come on! Sexual experience as a locket no one can ever open?

Gwyenth Paltrow’s insatiable and maybe slightly annoying Holly Holiday is brought into the glee club to teach the kids about sex. The students are wildly and comedically unknowledgeable–like babies come from a stork unknowledgeable–and Paltrow confronts the issue head on. The two resident abstinent girls (Rachel and Quinn) pipe in a “what about those of us who choose to remain celibate?” Naturally, Holiday has to say “Although I think you’re naive and possibly frigid I do admire your choice” served with a giant wink.

Throughout the series Quinn’s abstinence goes from being a total joke, considering she’s the president of the celibacy club and pregnant (Do we all remember the “It’s all about the teasing and not about the pleasing” line?), to being understandable because of the pregnancy’s 1,001 consequences. But what’s with Quinn folding? I’m all for girls making informed choices but why can’t there be one abstinent girl on TV. The only one I can really think of is Donna Martin and that was in the 90s.

Rachel’s choice, on the other hand, is reduced to a girl who refuses to give “it” up. Despite her repeated prounoucments that she wants to focus on her talent she’s labeled as the big ole prude of the show and how dare she keep ‘it’ from dear, sweet Finn.

Can we all agree that abstinence is not respected on this show?

Just when Rachel said “I realize that while all of us making our celibacy pledge is wonderful one day we’re going to fall in love with someone and choose to be intimate with them” I thought the show was going to give abstinence and the beauty of future sexual experiences some credence, her statement was left floating out in the air.

We all know how much I love to chat about abstinence, no seriously I do, so it would be nice if it was discussed in a positive way in more public places, like a TV show that a ton of young people watch

The sacred, sexy sharing circle

There were, however, way more gems in this episode than things that bugged me. Who else loved the “sacred, sexy sharing circle?” Yes, to frank talk about sexual attraction and working through feelings!

And it was fabulous for the show’s writers to point out that a) sex ed is sorely lacking in this country and b) information is not made available to the LGBTQ community in schools. When Darren Criss suggests “Maybe we can talk about it. I’ll share what I know” and then the sheer panic on Kurt’s face is priceless and a real endemic of why young people need to be empowered. I doubt Criss’s Blaine would have given Kurt wrong or inaccurate info but it’s parents and teachers who should be at the forefront of helping young people explore sexuality (not going to lie I learned plenty from my parents and heaps more from friends).

Chris Colfer and Mike O'Malley as Kurt and Burt Hummel

I hope and pray that people took note (literally, everyone, write it down, refer back to it and soak it in) when Kurt’s dad (Burt) handed him a stack of pamphlets, told him to read them and that Kurt had to discuss everything with him. Burt told him:

“You gotta know that [sex] means something…it’s doing something to you, it means something to your heart, your self esteem, even though it feels like you’re just having fun…When you’re ready I want you to be able to do everything but when you’re ready I want you to use it as a way to connect with another person. Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter cause you matter.”

A close second to Burt’s act of love in showing Kurt that heap of pamphlets and a lovely dose of fatherly advice is Puck’s (the oh, so dreamy Mark Salling) assertion that he’s done “a lot of stupid things…I don’t think about consequences and while I use to think that made me cool, now I think it makes me a loser. Now I’m making a change and if that makes me a nerd then fine.”

Loved it but can Puck’s character be the abstinent kid? I sure do hope so. Imagine, a boy on television who’s abstinent. A girl can dream.

**Author’s note: Since its original posting this entry has a few changes to it. I’ve fixed some of the direct quotes and clarified a couple of things after re-watching the episode. My overall review of the episode remains unchanged. There are still plenty of typos because I’m an awful proofreader. And I’m sorry to admit that I omitted the funny part of Puck’s revelation (it involved swallowing a thumbtack) so go watch the episode.